Gaslighting and the Fight to Trust Your Own Reality

Gaslighting and the Fight to Trust Your Own Reality

“Maybe I’m overreacting.”
“Maybe I remembered it wrong.”
“Maybe it’s my fault.”

If you’ve ever found yourself questioning your reality after a conversation, you may have experienced gaslighting in some.

The term was first used in the 1944 film Gaslight, which refers to a form of psychological manipulation where someone makes you doubt your own memory, perception, or sanity. Over time, gaslighting erodes our trust not only in others but also in ourselves.

That being said, Gaslighting is not always loud or obvious. It often happens in subtle ways and maybe in comments like

“I never said that, you must be imagining it.”
“You’re too sensitive.”
“That didn’t happen the way you think.”

At first, these comments might seem harmless, even dismissive. But when repeated over time, they create a pattern. The victim begins to second-guess their feelings and reality, relying more on the manipulator for “the truth.” This power imbalance is exactly what gaslighting aims to achieve which is control over the other person.

Most commonly you see gaslighting occurs in romantic relationships, families, workplaces, or even at a societal level. In families, parents may deny or minimize a child’s lived experiences, leaving the child confused about their emotions. In romantic relationships, a partner may rewrite events to escape accountability. At work, a toxic boss might deny promises or shift blame, making employees feel incompetent.

The psychological impact of gaslighting is profound. The person gaslighted may feel like they’re “losing their mind.” They may develop anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. They begin to doubt themselves. The constant invalidation leads to self-doubt so deep that even simple decisions feel overwhelming.

One of the hardest parts of gaslighting is that it chips away slowly. We don’t realize it’s happening until they’re deeply entangled. That’s why awareness is crucial. Recognizing the red flags such as denial of facts, minimization of feelings, and twisting of words is the first step in reclaiming power.

Let’s see what helps

1. Write down your conversations, events, and feelings, they provide a concrete record of what happened. Over time, this proof helps counter self-doubt and validates that your experiences are real.

2. Repeat gentle affirmations such as “My feelings are valid,” “I trust my memory,” or “What I experienced matters.” These statements gradually rewire the brain to believe in your own perceptions again.

3. A trained therapist can help you untangle manipulation from truth and give you tools to rebuild confidence if this has somewhere affected your self esteem

4. Set Boundaries. This is probably one of the most important steps that can help.Protecting yourself means setting limits with the person who gaslights you. This might look like limiting contact, avoiding certain conversations, or, in some cases, stepping away entirely.

Lastly, most importantly, gaslighting teaches us the value of boundaries. Not every disagreement is gaslighting, but when someone consistently invalidates your reality, protecting your mental health means limiting their influence. Believing yourself, your memories, your feelings, and your intuition is an act of resistance against manipulation.

Gaslighting leaves scars, but it also builds awareness. Those who heal often develop a sharper sense of empathy and a stronger ability to spot manipulation in the future.